I was skimming a feed on social media today and a thought struck me. As I came to a post that included a link to an article, the individual sharing it had left only one word in commentary.
"BOOM!"
The article itself does not matter at this point in the discussion. I have seen countless BOOMs, THERE YOU GOs, and I TOLD YOUs (I apologize for the title of this post), and this one wasn't much different. Maybe it was the calming influence of the rain, or maybe I was just thinking more as opposed to simply reacting. I had, at that moment, this realization: These posts are not about being well-informed and sharing useful information; they are about WINNING.
We are in an interesting time. Few people would argue that. It has brought even more to the front a trend that is worrisome. It seems that we are no longer engaging in exchanges of ideas and discussion of research in an effort to help understand ideas or people and eventually make the world a better place. We are in a place where we must WIN, we must prove we are RIGHT, not matter what, and the ideas really do not matter, as long as we can say we are RIGHT (even if we're not). We need to "drop the mic," bring the "BOOM," and demonstrate our dominance. Everything else is secondary.
I have admit that I have found myself in this situation. I am guilty of making winning an argument, stubbornly establishing my position of (often illusionary) strength. That is on me. I will do better.
As a teacher, I am embarrassed by this fact. My classes are often built on discussion, on providing an environment where students can confidently and thoughtfully express their ideas and feelings on a variety of fronts, knowing they will be valued and heard. Having to win simply to win is counter to this principle.
Don't get me wrong: I encourage young people to stand strong, to find ways to support the ideas they hold. I also encourage them to listen to others, to understand that other people are coming from other places in many ways, and the only way to truly understand one another and ourselves is to listen. Truly listen.
I like to think that we engage in discussions, not arguments. In a discussion, we value what another person has to say because we may be able to learn from it, to better understand them, ourselves, or our world. We might shift someone's way of thinking (or our own), not because we demanded they agree with us, but because we saw our position from their perspective, and they saw the merits of our idea and vice versa. In an argument, our primary goal is simply to be right, to win.
(I realized I had written on this before, almost 2 years ago. Here is that post, if you want to take a look.)
Interesting things happen during discussions. During arguments, we dig ourselves in. During discussions, we learn. This spring, during a Zoom poetry discussion a colleague and I hosted, a student made an incredibly insightful comment. The discussion was over a poem that touched on a rather sensitive topic. As the discussion progressed, the student said, "You know, I just realized something. We want the same thing. We just have different ideas about how to get there." He went further to say that this changed his way of thinking. Not his position, necessarily, but the way he thought about not only his idea but also the other ideas being discussed. At the beginning of the discussion, he had bristled as his initial reaction was that the poet and those who shared her views were against him. He said that he initially wasn't even focused on the most important things the poet was saying, just on his immediate reaction. However, he said that when that thought struck, he shifted from being angry with the other people, wanting to prove he was right, to seeing the commonalities they shared, that they were actually hoping for the same ultimate goal. He started to think about what was actually written and said. He still held on to his position and idea, but he had a better grasp of the other ideas, and in turn, saw his own idea more clearly. He was thinking.
Young people will change the world, and they have the greatest potential to make it a much better place. I have told my classes that for years, and the sentiment was echoed by President Obama in his recent address to the nation's graduates. Perhaps we, the adults, need to listen for a change. Not just to one another, but to the voices so full of energy and hope.
Maybe, just maybe, we need to step away from screaming our arguments (even when that is in all caps) and have some truly meaningful discussions.
