Demons

Robin Williams committed suicide earlier this week. It is easy to say that the entertainment world, the world in general, lost a talented, brilliant man. We also lost a tortured, troubled soul who leaves behind a family, a deep well full of laughter, and a lot to think about.

I loved watching Robin Williams when I was a high school and college kid. His standup was energetic and frantic. He was goofy and awkward on Mork and Mindy. However, he was not solely a slapstick buffoon whose pratfalls made people chuckle. He was witty and intelligent, and he created characters who made audiences laugh, often through tears. Good Morning, Vietnam! was one of the first movies I ever owned. VHS cassette. I owned the soundtrack on cassette tape as well. The film had a basis in real life. Most people who remember the film know that Williams ad-libbed his way through many scenes, cracking jokes and improvising as he modeled the character of Adrian Cronauer, the Armed Forces Radio DJ whose antics ruffled feathers and raised morale. He was funny. However, the character was so much more than that. He tried to encourage and lift up Edward Garlick, played by Forest Whitaker, because he sees something positive inside the young enlisted man that he doesn't know is there. He befriends a young Vietnamese man, at first because he finds his sister to be incredibly attractive, but later because he feels for this boy who has grown up amid such violence and hardship. He is betrayed and tortured by the fact that his naive approach to his world may have led to a tragic result, and he cannot accept the fact that the betrayal actually occurred. A barrel of laughs, right?

Another film I always found interesting came out in 1991 and was titled The Fisher King. The movie focuses a shock jock who inadvertently encourages a listener to commit a horrific crime. The DJ then spirals into an alcohol-soaked depression and eventually stands on the edge of suicide  to end the pain of guilt. That character is not played by Robin Williams. Williams played a homeless man who rescues the DJ from a beating by two punks trying to punish homeless people for "dirtying up" their neighborhood. He appears as a brave knight dressed in filthy, tattered clothes, carrying a trashcan lid shield, and brandishing weapons such as suction cup arrows and baseballs in tubesocks. As he steps in to stop the beating, Williams' character, named Parry, calls in an "army" of homeless heroes who break into an off-key song. It seems kind of strange when written out, but the scene is pretty neat. Did I mention that the character's wife had been killed in the horrific crime prompted by the words of the DJ he saved? Parry is tortured by a frightening vision of a red knight who appears from the foggy subconscious of his mind to steal away any happiness Parry might feel and replace it with pain and regret. It is a story about salvation. Williams is funny at times, awkward and smiling, and the laughter and grins veil the pain and anguish inside. Maybe that was a little more true than anyone realized.

Of course, I have to mention Dead Poet Society. I have used clips from the film in class, and even had students examine Mr. Keating, played by Williams, as a tragic hero of sorts. Once again, the laughter and humor is evident and strong, but it also cocoons anxiety and self-doubt, not only in the students Keating attempts to push to become men, but also in the teacher himself.

I don't know if any of this is interesting to anyone else or not. I guess I just want to tip my hat to a man who made me laugh and forced me to think with portrayal of round and dynamic characters. Awakenings, Patch Adams, Good Will Hunting, Insomnia. Death to Smoochy. The Best of Times. Pull one of them up in Netflicks or from the shelf at Hastings. None of them will be a waste of time.

This week, someone said, "How can someone like him kill himself when he has everything?" That is a common question when someone famous, someone as successful as Williams steps through that tragic door. Just like the brave, tortured man in The Fisher King,  everyone has his demons. Sometimes the demons are on the face and obvious, and causes are clear. For others, the demons are deeper, hiding within shadows within, with eyes that burn and frighten us, often at times that should be carefree and joyful. For whatever reason, the demon just cannot allow that to happen. The saddest part of the loss of Robin Williams is that he was very open about the fact that he had demons. The "signs" were not interpretive, like Chris Farley's weight or John Belushi's drinking. He actually said he had issues. We selfishly enjoyed the talent and creativity that sprang from that dark place. We took what we wanted; we let him rant and rave and bounce from topic to topic because it made us giggle. We applauded and pondered and appreciated. Somehow, it was not enough. The demons won this time.

I know at times I question myself and what I am doing. I doubt myself and almost encourage my demons to feed, to strengthen themselves. If that sounds goofy or cheesy, then I apologize, but it is true. And yet, I have everything. I have a beautiful family, more perfect than I could ever deserve. I have interesting, talented,  and sincere people around me on a daily basis. I get to do what I love and what gives me a sense of fulfillment and call it 'going to work'. Despite this, demons raise their heads and breath fire now and then. I am blessed to have people around me who extinguish those flames without even realizing it. Uttering a sincere word. Sitting down and sharing a moment. Listening and not even responding. Laughing along with me so I am not the only one. Those things, while often everyday and seemingly insignificant, sometimes are all that I need. Who can know what someone else might find to be that shield or that lifeline he or she needs at a given moment?

So, please, kiss someone a little more warmly today, embrace just little bit longer. Ask how someone is doing, and actually listen to the response. Laugh along and smile when that cheerful girl prattles on, but look into her eyes and see if they sparkle or hold back tears. Who knows? Maybe you will help shed light on some shadow and banish the demon, for a little while at least, and that might be all she needs.