The Top Five Utterances That I Do Not Want to Hear Again

Inspired by Samantha Neill's blog post, which was inspired by an Andrew Bauer suggestion, which was prompted by a Samantha Neill lamentation about writer's block, which might have been stirred up by guilt ELA team members' cast upon one another regarding blog proficiency, I offer you my own "Top 5" list. Sam was doubly ambitious in her "Top" list post, so you should go read it at Random Thoughts and Then I Found Five Dollars. You should also check out Andrew Bauer's Ya Nerd... and Greg Froese's "This might be off-topic but..." They are all pretty neat. Another team member, John Knapp, has choosen to make his Facebook page his bloggish post of choice, so you might check it out as well. Kiley Porter does not seem to blog in any way, which is incredibly weak, and she will be ridiculed mercilessly if she does not get off the schneid soon. Our newest member, Amber Neighbor, has a brief grace period, but we expect her to dazzle us as well. Mary Devries, BHS French teacher, posts under the title of The Muse Meanders.

Anyway, when I read one of those other writer's musings, they tend to make me think, and they inspire me to write more. So, I apologize for often borrowing my topics form those sources, and I thank those colleagues and friends for giving me ideas. So, here are my "Top Five Utterances That I Do Not Want to Hear Again".

I cannot believe the summer is almost/already over.
Really? You cannot believe the summer is almost over. You no longer recognize or comprehend the concept that time passes, and as a society, we mark that progress on a device known as a calendar, one of which can be found on your smartphone, and that said calendar marks the upcoming conclusion of the season known as "summer"?

I understand hyperbole and that this statement falls into that category, even if those who use it may not recognize it. I just wish people would stop saying it. Every year, summer draws to a close, and while most of us (teachers) have been working in some way all summer, we look to the turn of the page that reveals the new school year. And each year, around the third week of July, people will begin uttering this annoying statement, as if this year is somehow different from those in the past. Actually, this summer has been different from my past twenty or so summers because we had a summer that began, in principle, in early May, and truly will not wrap up until mid-August,, which should make the sunset of summer even more believable. Despite this, someone will walk up to whatever group of colleagues I am standing with on the first day of staff orientation, sipping the teacher's elixir of power, strong coffee, and he will sigh and say, "Wow, can you believe we are back already? I can't believe summer is already over." I will not lose my cool at that point and punch him in the face. I will save that for the seemingly inevitable following statement that begins with "I seen..."

I seen...
I see. I saw. I have seen. Perhaps I had seen or I will have seen.
Do I need to go any further? This one I do not understand, honestly. It cannot even be blamed on laziness; see and saw are each shorter and require less effort to say. So, can we make the effort to be lazy enough to use the correct form of see and end the madness?

The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread
This phrase truly does not bother me much, but Jimmy Fallon, in his recent "Thank You Notes" informed us all that sliced bread came out the same year as the first television. How many of you have spent hours this week staring at a loaf of store-bought bread? Besides that, is that new Lays Potato Chip flavor really that great?

No offense, but...
I am guilty of this utterance. I hope to never use it again. Let's be honest here: if someone says "No offense, but..." something offensive is sure to follow. If it needs to be said, let's just say it. No qualifier, no cliched preface, no half-hearted noneffort to soften the blow. If it cannot be said without that lead in, don't say it.

YOLO
Stop. Just stop.