This weekend, the one following Thanksgiving, has always been an interesting one. It is a long break “away from work” (which means it is a chance to try and get caught up on grading), it is the traditional date when State Championships for HS football in Kansas are played (so having time to relax is bittersweet), and it is time to start pulling out the Christmas decorations. This year, with our current situation, the weekend has been all of that, but it has also been filled with more anxiety than most years.
I have struggled in the evenings this semester to grade for any extended period of time. So, I need to grade and give feedback. I need to sit down today and continue planning out the next three weeks of hybrid and flex learning, knowing that it will probably change in some way every few days. I really need to start that by reviewing my roster to remind myself how many and which students will not be returning in person during that time, either because they are quarantined, they or their parents are concerned about their safety, or they need to care for younger siblings who attend the grade school that just went fully to flex learning after a rash of positive tests among staff. I need to check in on people, and I need to try not to worry as much as I sometimes do. I need to avoid opening social media for any reason other than to check which Chiefs are going to miss today’s game.
So, here I am, not grading or planning, but writing on a blog that I have neglected and that has few readers. Because I was home and Kansas cooperated and gave us a couple of beautiful days, I got to get some fresh air and vitamin D while walking on the path just north of our neighborhood. The few people I met would step to their side of the path and raise a hand. I had a chance to think. And of course, one thing I thought about is school, and the kids I get to see every day, actually in person every other day now, unless group B is on Friday and I get to see those kids 2 days in a row. Yeah, that’s how it is.
I started thinking about conversations we have been having in my different classes. I have been making a conscious effort to simply talk with my classes. Sometimes about the content, sometimes just talk. I realized a few weeks ago that this was missing in my classroom and it was having a negative effect. We had been reading a novel in my honors class, and so much of the study of that novel revolves around our in-class discussions. Those classes were the bright spot in my day. The kids talked, they thought, they listened. They amazed me and they made me think. Then, I started to question why those hours had such a different feel from the other hours. One of the students answered that pondering in the course of discussion one afternoon. She said that she felt like she was thinking so much more in that class because we were talking and, in her words, “slowing down to get into it.” She said she understood why teachers were doing it right now, but that it felt as if people were just rushing through things to cover content because we are on a hybrid schedule and are “falling behind”. But she didn’t feel like she was thinking, or, sadly, learning. She likened it to a passage in Fahrenheit 451 when Clarisse lamented that school had become so much water poured down so many funnels, spilling over. That hurt my heart. And it made me look at my other classes. I was guilty too, even in my classes that have always been based on discussion. I had to change that. So we started just talking. We spent at least 30 minutes in one class discussing the difference between “I love you” and “I have love for you”. The student who started the conversation led with “I have a question for you, Mr. Kohls, and it’s not just to get off topic. I really need to know this.” Later in the week, she told me that since that conversation, she couldn’t help noticing how people word things and how it changed the feeling or meaning. I gave an actual fist pump on that one. We also spend time in that class laughing through weekly updates of one student’s adventures in cooking as she prepares meals on days she is learning from home. I feel like in a few days, we have become a closer class, one where we can share more. We need those moments of “just talking”. They have been missing more than I had noticed, and I should have known it much sooner.
So, we talk. In multiple classes, just talking has improved the classroom atmosphere, as I knew it would. It also let me know that our kids are truly frustrated, and not just with the uncertainty of the COVID situation and how it affects them. They need a chance to express that frustration. They really don’t seem to expect it to be solved right now, but they do feel a need to be heard. Don’t we all? And right now, they feel as if they are being lost in the swirl of everything going on. These ideas have come wrapped in different discussions. In one talk, we moved from whether a show on Netflix should be seen as worthwhile literature to how they truly feel about school and some of the ways we do things. Not “school sucks” or “I just want to be out of here” talk either. Our role in mental health. Relationships. Failures. It was a hard conversation, and at times it became difficult for me. They were mature and honest. They need to be heard. I needed to listen. We’ve talked about frustration, anger, and fear, but we have also talked about hope, kindness, and joy. Most of the conversations have begun in some way with our content, but they have “gotten off track” pretty quickly. This used to happen a lot in my classroom, but it had been lost to a degree. And to be honest, off track is where so much learning actually takes place. So, when we lost the conversations, we were also losing that learning. I am thankful that they reminded me.
I am glad the conversations are coming back. We need to be off track a little more often. We need to talk, we need to listen, and that is where we need to wander. We’ll still get where we are going. And right now, who really knows where that is? We might as well talk as we make our way. It will be worth it.
