I have written before about the important lessons I have learned over the years from my Mom and my Dad, as well as my grandparents.. Today, I want to write about some of the ride I feel when evidence preents itself that I am actually teaching my children, Emily and Dylan, a few of those lessons, and they are taking hold.
More times than not, the lessons we learn and the lessons we teach come through condidly, thourhg the actions take and words we use on a daily basis. Sure, there are those times when we announce, "This is something you need to learn" such as when I sat Dylan down after he had gotten into trouble at school and I told him that when you speak to someone, or he is speaking to you, you look him in the eyes because it shows you respect him enough to truly listen. Or when Heidi and I have both looked at our daughter and told her she is talented and should have confidence in her abilities in slo many areas. Those times are great, but it is what we do on a daily basis that brings home those lessons, or elevates them from words to truth. That was true as we grew up, and it is true now as we play that role of example. There is a coutnry song called "Watching You" that speaks to this point, presenting examples, both positive and negative, of a little boy learning by watching his father. A poem, "Little Eyes Upon You', that expresses the same ideas. For me, no song or poem could come even close to the impact watching my daughter and son has on me.
I feel an emense sense of pride when Emily or Dylan demonstrate that they are, indeed, my children. When Heidi was pregnant with Dylan, I remember asking her if she was sure the baby was in fact hers. I just wanted to be sure. There has never been a doubt that he is definitely mine. The same goes for Emily. I see their mother in both of them as well, and thank The Lord for that.
Heidi relayed a conversation between Dylan and Heidi's mom. She had come by and was going to take the kids to Hastings. Emily wanted to go, but Dylan said he would go later. After returning, his grandmother tried to give Dylan some cash. He told her she did not have to do that, that she did not need to give him money. That is not the part that melted Heidi's heart and made me swell up with pride. That came next. She told Dylan, "I give it to you because I lve you." Dylan's repsonse was "But Grammie, money isn't love." Dylan is 12. He loves video games and working on the computer. He is, for all intents and purposes, what most wuold call normal. I do not know about you, but most 12 year olds I know like money, to buy video games or spend on whatever. Dylan likes to save money, and blow it later. But his first response was "Money is not love." I can proudly say, he learned that from me and from his mom. I learned it from my parents. I know Dad is beamig right now. Money is necessary. People like when you give them money for things like food, shelter, medical care. Yes, sometimes money is extremely important. However, money is not love. Emily displays the same philosophy over and over again. Money is not love. Love is what we do with, for, and because of each other.
Loe is being that example, not because it is what we are supposed to do, but because it is vitally important. It is what allows our kids to grow up happy and balanced. It creates an immediate world that reinforces the words we use and lessons we consciously try to teach. Emily always tries to do the best job she possibly can. Why do something if you do not at least try to do it right, to do it at a high level? She gives hugs because "you need one." She is creative and principled; she wants to be her own person. I might be boasting, but she learned those things from us, and she has ignored enough of the negative lessons I have inadvertently taught through my word and actions to become that developing young adult.
I could have written a much longer post about the negative lessons I have presented, consciously or unconsciousl, bjut let's focus on the positive. That is something I want my kids to do, right? Those lessons have their effects too, I know. My kids are not perfect; I know that. I also know that that fact is also because of my lessons. I am just glad that Emily and Dylan seem have been able to disregard or overcome most of the negative lessons that their mom and I might lay out there, and have held on to the positive ones more often. I am proud of who they are becoming. I love them.
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